What I would really like is for someone to read my mind
Or learn how to articulate
What I would really like is for someone to read my mind because sometimes as I attempt to verbalise my feelings or needs, ever word that rolls off my tongue is a sharp betrayal to my thoughts, especially when it’s about telling people how I really feel about them.
The truth is very simple and I am very well aware of it but I can’t seem to stop struggling with these constraints of communication.
Struggling with an extremely low appetite for vulnerability, I only let out part truths — insufficient information because I am petrified of what could happen if I told you everything and I always assume the worst. So, I sit down, write general prose about my condition and hope that you will read my mind and spare me the gut-wrenching experience of articulation.
But the tragedy of this situation is that what I am asking for is too much and every time I don’t say things out loud to people, I keep myself from experiencing the big and small joys of life that come from great relationships personally and professionally.
I would love to have it some other way and the only reason I write about this sorry state is so that I muster the courage to say that I would love to see you today but I can’t even do that.
To avail the benefits of being loved, I have to risk being known and fuck being known.
I have regretted 100% of the times I haven’t spoken the truth so if you want a takeaway from this upsetting word vomit, just please go tell everyone what you want. It’s the only way to get it.
