To love someone is to laugh with them, openly and heartily
Whoever brings out your funniest is your best friend in the entire world
For this article, every time I say laughter, I mean the physical response that is elicited in a social setting in the ABSENCE of a professional comic or artificial script.
Humour provides respite from ‘nervous energy’ and repressed emotions. Laughter cuts through the silence, shakes things up a bit, and warms you up. At the risk of pushing it, I think it’s the most pleasurable human emotion.
When someone makes me laugh (the hearty one), I think about them and what they said very fondly. They’ve been good for my soul and deserve my mindshare. I look forward to meeting them again, getting the whole stream of joy flowing again. But I wonder how some people get it right so many times because quite honestly, it takes a level of comfort and confidence very few of us have. All those who have, I see you and I remember you.
When I make someone laugh, it just simply makes my day. It’s just the right amount of ego push and the reassurance that I’m still relevant and on my A-game. I am so driven by the need to make people laugh that I often do it at my expense. Laughter is involuntary validation. The proximity I feel with someone when I get a chuckle out of them is plain priceless — the sheer talent, flair, and charm. I may not be the best looking but hey, I’m funny.
Come to think of it, laughter is a social phenomenon at the intersection between two (or more) people’s personal values, sense of humour and mind space at a given time. Getting all four together is nothing short of serendipity and so we must be grateful for every time we laugh. because so much needs to be in the right place.
Laughter, as a form of intimacy, surpasses and outlasts all other kinds of intimacies (yes, even orgasms) and I am sure we’ve all seen a post laugh glow. We are automatically drawn to people who make us laugh because laughing swaps the cortisol in our bloodstream with highly sought after chemicals in the brain: dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins.
Dopamine can enhance learning, motivation, and attention.
Oxytocin is considered the “empathy hormone” and the “bonding chemical,” and when it enters the bloodstream it creates feelings of relatedness. Endorphins trigger feelings of pleasure; people can endure 15% more pain simply by laughing for a few minutes beforehand. Other health benefits: improved immune functioning, stress relief, improved cardiovascular health, reduced anxiety, sense of safety, and improved mood. Shared jokes enhance in-group feeling and bring you closer but leave them aside when you’re spending time with people who aren’t party to those jokes.
Laughter also works as a reappraisal technique, reducing the limbic response associated with “fight-or-flight” reactions. In other words, when feeling stressed the physiological act of laughter can decrease heart rate, blood pressure, and relax muscle tension. Just a moment of laughter allows us to think more clearly and creatively and raises relatedness with our colleagues.
Laughter is involuntary which makes it the truest manifestation of your inner self, your personality, value system and intelligence — what you laugh at, who you pick on, your brand of humour, when you crack a joke and how well you take a joke. It is the easiest way of finding individuals who are in sync with you unfeignedly.
When you meet someone for the first time, observe jokes closely because they will tell you the most important thing you need to know about the person — their sensitivity threshold.
I have learnt that if there’s one thing that you cannot ignore in friendships or relationships, it’s incompatibility of sense of humour. If you look closely, you will find all your red flags in these jokes and if anyone’s ever made you feel stupid for being upset about a joke — you’re not stupid but it’s your cue to evaluate whether it’s a battle you want to keep fighting.
If jokes about your skin annoy you, do not remain passive when they’re being cracked.
If jokes about class/caste make you uncomfortable, express your concern actively.
I know everyone’s different, and any good relationship is based on accommodating those differences but trust me, you cannot challenge ideas that were formed in developmental periods, and you do not want to do that emotional labour.
I cannot teach my new friend that their Eurocentric ideas are disrespectful of my culture that I am immensely proud of.
Point being, if you sense these differences, do not ignore them as plain jokes because jokes are churned out of your thoughts and experiences.
Everyone has a different threshold and I hope everyone finds people who operate in their threshold. This threshold is inelastic, we may learn to stay civil when our beliefs are relegated via jokes, but it is better for our wellbeing to reduce our exposure to such people.
If the jokes leave a bad aftertaste, move on, and remember we aren’t supposed to get along with everyone and laugh at everyone’s jokes.
Regardless of whoever has the last laugh, I’m glad you’re laughing.
