Running away from the problem is a part of the solution
Run away as far and as fast as possible
If you’re an escapist like me, you probably value a change of scene over actually fixing your problems. I love doing that. It’s so easy.
Just avoid the problem or buy some stuff. Both methods work phenomenally. If you’re a lucky one, you will forget that problem existed, and you’ll move on with your life & create new problems as a consequence of the avoidance and the reckless purchasing. Then, you can adopt both methods to easy fix the consequent problem.
All the twenty-somethings who were living the ‘away from home’ dream came back to their homes — homes and cities that were quite different from what we remembered.
The time apart eroded the familiarity. The way I started living wasn’t quite acceptable to this old home.
Oh, you just walk on the streets freely now? Not anymore.
Oh, so you use liquid detergent instead of powder? Dumb.
Oh, you have a job that keeps you busy after school time? Weird.
So, you’ve stopped drinking milk? Biggest mistake ever.
The teenage friction was back.
I re-entered the physical and mental space I wanted to flee from.
All the progress I had made seemed to be crashing down. The 4-year journey of what I called growth that I had undertaken was crumbling right before me and the new friends who had walked this road with me were all extremely far away.
I felt alienated and disgruntled.
I was constantly in conflict because my family hadn’t caught up with me or I hadn’t caught up with them.
The only way I could have been at peace at home was to unearth the things I resented.
You will only stop repeating the things in your head once they find an outlet. They need that outlet.
I started writing only to stop repeating things to myself and it’s been magically healing.
Once it’s on paper, it’s off your mind.
As someone who has given a second shot to friendships, failed ideas, and relationships, I know three things are extremely important to reset anything.
Here’s what they are
- Take an honest account of why it wasn’t working the first time around.
If it’s an individual project, write it down.
It did not work out because I did not prioritize it. It did not yield results because I gave up too soon. It’s my lack of discipline.
Is it in you to be honest about your failures? If you’re not ready, it’s not going to work out the second time around.
If it’s a relationship, say it out loud.
There needs to be a complete and unfettered agreement about the issues.
We don’t have things to talk about. We do not put in the same effort anymore. There is a severe gap in communication.
Say it out loud. - Evaluate if it’s worth doing again.
Do you want it? Are you in it for the right reasons? Are you going back because of the familiarity?Is it withdrawal? Go back to something only if you’re going to do it better this time. Dusting off the old canvas is hard, picking up the paint brush is harder and watching yourself not be as good as you were before is the hardest. Can you muster the patience for this? - Do you have the skills to pull it off now?
Do you have the emotional maturity and the skills to make this project/relationship successful? Second time failures are much harder to recover from.
If you want to make it happen, you will. I wanted to live a functional life at home in my small city — a life I was convinced couldn’t exist but it does.
When we leave something with anger and frustration, we are so blinded by the problems. The cool off period helps get rid of the blindspot.
And you know what I’ve found most useful? Anything that gives me grief can only be fixed effectively after I’ve removed myself completely from the situation.
Running away from the problem is a part of the solution.
