Loving someone is a skill we need to practise
It’s not as natural as we think. Give it a shot more often.
I swore never to write about this because this is so embarrassing but I’ve been thinking about this for a bit and I think I need to let it out before it drives me crazy.
All those who read this, thanks for listening.
We live in a society that celebrates marriage over falling in love and that is where our unhappiness begins.
Falling in love, the joyful part, is looked down upon. We’ve created so many institutions that we’ve forgotten why we created them. Now, it’s more about marriage & less about love. Look around, so many loveless marriages. I’ve seen so many I don’t think I ever want to be married myself.
Why are there so many unhappy marriages? Because we aren’t taught how to love. In fact, we’re sheepishly kept away from it. It’s distracting. Study now. Boys are devils. Girls ruin everything. This is something characterless people do. You can’t tell good or bad. This is going to ruin your life.
So many relationships fall apart because someone didn’t know how to show their love. A rather unfortunate end to something that could’ve been great, right?
I don’t see the logic? Never in my life have things happened in a vacuum. We are an outcome of the different complexities of our life, the varied facets. I will never be just one thing. I will be a student, a daughter, a friend, a grandchild, a niece, an employee, an employer, etc. So the whole argument about an unmarried romantic relationship taking away from the other facets of life is just complete crap. In fact, it’s destructive. Shouldn’t we preparing children to live complex but integrated and whole lives instead of this inhibiting and policed excuse of a life.
Why do parents want to protect us by preventing us to do things instead of enabling us to march forward with the requisite knowledge?
Hear me out, what if parents protected us by teaching us how to deal with adversities by talking about their experiences and providing useful insights from their knowledge instead of outrightly disallowing certain things.
Isn’t there a gigantic difference between “Hey, if you get into a relationship, you will bring shame to the family” and “Hey, relationships can be tricky. Take into consideration *insert some advice, I don’t know* before you take that step because it can have emotional consequences such as *insert emotional consequences*”
More importantly, I need to learn how I wish to be dealt with. What is my love language? How will I know? Is it relevant? How do I know what kind of support I want from a romantic partner without ever having one? How will I know if the relationship I am in is healthy? Do I want a partner?
I need to find answers to these questions but if I am get guilt-tripped about wanting to try, I don’t think I will be able to take the self-awareness journey successfully.
It is a bit unfair to expect our very first shots at love to be perfect. Everyone makes mistakes — in choosing the right partner, in communicating our feelings correctly, in making people feel seen, in making people feel heard. These composite experiences round the edges and enable us to make better decisions in the future.
Romanticizing first love is wonderful and it’s great if it works out but it can be better the second or third or fourth or fifth time around.
Why do we judge people for being in multiple relationships? Everyone learns more about themselves and more about what they want which is pretty much essential for any successful relationship.
So long story short,
If you’re a parent, enabling with caution is a better method than disabling by force. Take a forward step with your child instead of plainly vetoing everything you don’t understand.
If you’re a twenty something old like me, take your chance. How else are you going to learn?
Romantic relationships teach you so much about yourself. It hones your communication skills, exposes you to new perspectives, teaches you things you wouldn’t have learnt otherwise and allows you to be vulnerable. It exposes you to emotional highs and lows that suck big time when they’re happening. They’re instrumental in building up emotional stamina which is so important for long term emotional stability.
This is your sign to take that leap. It’s rather pathetic that we keep waiting for someone else to say it out loud before we communicate our feelings. Don’t miss that train.
