If you must be the bigger person always,
why have you surrounded yourself with so many small people?
So much of our life is about navigating through relationships of all kinds. As the core of any relationship navigation is forgiveness and as I get older, I realise that it is also forgetfulness.
To forget, to begin again, to let go, to be reborn over and over.
I can never imagine doing that crap. I hang on to grudges with all the strength in my arms and my legs. If you imagine a Koala stuck to a tree; the tree is the grudges and I am the Koala, blissfully resentful. That is who I am.
Blissfully resentful.
Happily Angry.
Brazenly Salty.
You get it.
Some very immature people will call this behavior petty. But I call it intelligent and strong willed. It comes in the way of my happiness a lot. But letting go seems like a much harder feat than dwelling over something.
It is not time that cures all wounds. It is the evaporation of details from our memories. You simply cannot be sad if you don’t remember, right?
I wonder if we can train our minds to erase certain things. I don’t think we can. We constantly edit our memories basis latest information to fit our current narratives.
Is it possible that happiness comes from things we forget? You know that heightened sense of shame when we think of something we did or said when we were younger? It’s that shudder. This constant blinking light of past events quite seriously cramps my present-day happiness.
While googling this phenomenon, I read this.
We do not remember days, we remember moments. The richness of life lies in memories we have forgotten.
If, ever, you think you want to forget something ever happened; be ready to be astonished at the ease with which it will be remembered.
Coming back to being the bigger person,
I come from a very uninformed space but whoever coined the term bigger person is a manipulative individual who knows that the will to be superior can motivate many people. It can manipulate many people to do very difficult things such as:
- forgive
- forget
- cave in
- violate their own boundaries
& consequently, accept a blow to their self esteem
In relationships, we all take turns being bigger and smaller people.
If you ask me, keep a low touch, non-judgemental score. If you are the bigger person mostly, your needs are not being met.
Think of yourself as a balloon. The bigger you get, the likelier you are to burst. Nobody will appreciate how fun it was tossing you around but when you do burst, you will be the noisy inconvenience spoiling all the fun.
Stay deflated.
Inflammation is literal death.
❤
