Been a while, old friend
Always all caught up when it’s you
“Will you pick me up from the airport?”
“Chandigarh has Uber.”
“But don’t you think you should?”
“No? I am going to be at work and the airport is away. Take the cab to my house and I’ll see you at 3.”
“Always a pleasure to see you.”
“I’ll drop you at the airport on Monday morning.”
“Yeah, yeah. I am just playing.”
I have a throbbing fondness for people who let me say no without feeling guilty. I may never tell you but I treasure this ease and you very much. Your lack of expectations from me is so liberating and I swear when the time comes for me to really come through, I will, for you because you deserve it.
I have a throbbing fondness for people who can recognize my handwriting. Let me write you a note.
I have a throbbing fondness for people who recognise my belongings and bring them back to me, “I think this is yours. You forgot it in the park.”
I have a throbbing fondness for people who wait for me to get done when I’m eating because I take forever.
I have a throbbing fondness for people who don’t rush me. Please don’t rush me.
Oh wow, I lost the plot.
“See you at 3pm”
“See you.”
On my way back from work at 2 pm that day, I thought about her a lot. Friends from college really give you grief. Why am I coping with this distance? Why were you around so much? Why aren’t you around anymore? Why wasn’t the separation gentler? I won’t lie but there was a time I took you for granted. Not in the rude way but in the ‘we have forever to do everything we want to together’ way. I wasn’t sad when college got over. I didn’t think I’d miss you and on a regular day and I don’t miss you. I think about you sometimes but I wouldn’t call that a painful longing. I would call that playful reminiscing. But today, now that you’re here and I am minutes away from seeing you in flesh and bone, I am clawed. The separation is never gentle and here I am about to experience it again. Do not remind me of how wonderful everything is when you’re there. I have forgotten what it’s like and I like it like that.
This reminder, I do not want but I cannot wait. I cannot wait for you to tell me I haven’t changed because it means so much more when you say it. People know you so much more intimately when they’ve known a younger version of you and seen you through phases.
“Do you remember when…”
“Yes. Yes, I remember.”
In a whirlwind of thoughts, this fifty-minute journey ended sooner than usual.
I enter my house and there she is.
“Hello, finally.”
This is just the same. You sound the same, look the same, dress the same. Maybe it hasn’t been that long anyway. I ask her if she’s hungry and then we walk to the kitchen.
We have nothing to catch up on. I know everything about what’s happening. Technology is great. Maybe the world is small and maybe flesh and bone is overrated.
Connection is mental. It’s not like I want to kiss her. The excitement has left me and I’m a strange mixture of happy and calm, I think. I am inundated with nostalgia. She’s laughing about the time I broke a cup when I was aggressively doing the dishes because I was angry with her. I think I’ve pushed many a limit of my emotional width with this girl.
“So we are going to this Asian place in the evening. Then, this dancing place. Some DJ is coming. I don’t know if he’s any good but there is not much else in Chandigarh. Then, we go to my Yoga class in the morning.”
“Yoga is not happening.”
I expected her to say this. She is a bit boring.
“We will see.”
“What are you wearing?”
I love this question. It is a crucial question because it guarantees an evening that is going to be in sync. It is reflective of strong communication and effective planning. People who do not discuss this must reassess their friendship. This question lies at the apex of any friendship and I cannot change my mind about it. I strongly believe you can invest in friendships only when outfit discussions can happen with absolute ease. Any hesitations are red flags. We must take other’s in on it. It is customary.
We got ready to leave the house and I am in a bedlam of thoughts. I think we get stuck in a certain time with some people. I am nineteen again. I think I lost touch with my current life. Nothing is catching up with me now.
Nostalgia is intoxicating. I have lost touch with reality. Is this it? Are the most wonderful parts of my life behind me? Is the rest of my life just about chasing what I once felt in college? Of course not. It can’t be this boring or is it this boring?
Everyone says that the world is small, but is it really?
It is funny that people say the world is small when they find common connections in seemingly unrelated friendships. It is an awfully hefty claim for something that has no impact. It is funny when they say, ‘We can always FaceTime!’. The world will never be small.
The world will never be small until I can hop my way to your house and enter through the kitchen door. It will never be small until I can cycle to my favourite coffee shop in Bombay from Chandigarh. It will never be small till I have to book tickets to see you and it will never be small till I can’t see you when I want to see you which is more often than you think it is. The world is not small. The world will never be small till my kitchen counter is more than fifteen minutes from you. The world will never be small if I can’t say, ‘Be there in 10.’ The world is really large which makes it so easy to get lost and to get lonely. I wish everyone lived closer. Like right here. Like next block. Close.
Now is not the time for this nuttiness. Go out and stop thinking so much.
We know what we’re listening to. We know where we’re going, what we’re doing. I strongly believe my purpose in life is to hang out with my friends and listen to our favourite music in the car. Anything else I do is merely an ancillary activity to help me reach the end goal which is to hang out and listen to music, obviously.
I hope she’s thinking something too. But I will never know just as she will never know.
And that’s all I have to say for today and for a while.
